Dreams can be sacrificed too

Since young, I always believed that dreams can be achieved. Well, in a way it is true. We can always achieve our dreams, only if we focus on it and overcome all the challenges. But I think the thing that I always think about nowadays is how to let go of certain dreams.

We are just humans, and there is no way that every dreams can be achieved (logically speaking). Somehow we have to sacrifice some of the dreams in order to continue with the journey of the ultimate dream. I probably have always wanted to be a badminton coach, or an army (because I think it is really cool haha), yet these are being sacrificed because I cannot do so many things at once. I guess I also need to consider from the perspective of my parents as well, they probably would not want their children to be in danger everyday. I guess I will not hope for the same for my future children as well. Hence, I sacrifice some dreams and go ahead with the more "logical" ones. I can't be that greedy right?

I am really envy of artist like Mayday, JJ etc because they really achieved their ultimate dream to become an artist. Instead of being envy, I will say I respect them a lot. I wanted to become a singer, yet I don't think I have the resilience to become a successful singer. Not a very good risk taker either, that's why this is not my career path.

I think after 23 years of living, started to become a bit more realistic compare to the past. Personally started not to believe in all those brainwashing promotions, recommendations, sales. After analysing most of them just benefit the person that sell the products/ services (Don't get me wrong there are still good & reliable salesperson out there). But I guess is better for everyone to sort of really think CLEARLY about it before accepting, or convincing other person.

On the issue of social responsibility, as I probably mentioned before, I don't think there is a need for me to prove to others that I am socially responsible. & voting is really just a process, & a vote might be able to change something. But whether a change is from bad to good, or from bad to worse, is a very essential thing to think about. I am not those ambitious individuals that think they are capable to lead the change for a better country. I think managing a country is so much more complex than a person could imagine. Being boastful and arrogant will probably lead to more crises.

A trip to Vietnam last week also reminded me to be appreciative on what my country has. Well, the public transport is a bit crap, but is definitely not the worse, and at least it exists. A lot of things can definitely be improved, and instead of protesting aimlessly here and there, maybe should consider an alternative of contributing gradually for improvement.

Self-reflection will probably change my dreams as I grow older, but no matter what is my life goal in the future being motivated about living is always the ultimate goal.

机会是留给红的人

想到了一段印象很深刻的影片，就特意抽空看了
从小就听中文歌的我
也因此有很多一直深深的影响我的人
有一个人，他就是罗志祥

其实他开讲的影片看了超过5次
但其实每次都有新的领悟
今天想的就是
“机会是留给红的人”

有些人在工作中非常努力刻苦
但却不被看重
或许不善于表达是一个关键
或许心机没那么重是一个关键
以前会觉得好不公平
会生气纳闷

机会是留给红的人
这是一个事实
世界不公平也是一个事实
这些事情都没有办法改变的
你认为世界有那一天会公平吗？
我不认为，因为这太天真

我很珍惜这些非常努力的同事
我很珍惜很愿意帮助我的这些同事
虽然可能有一些是在默默努力的
虽然有一些是不被看重的
但无论怎样，在我的眼里
我都非常的看重和珍惜

“坚持比努力更可怕”
这是他说的第二个重点
我曾经认为努力是最可怕的一个
但努力确实不是
坚持，是重点

一直以来不认为自己是聪明的人
一直以来语言天赋也不怎么好的一个人
内向，不爱表达
很多东西都不属于我
除了坚持
因为这样一个精神
让我走到了现在

我没有办法用我的聪明我的才华去完成所有的事
因为这些东西，我真的不够
但是我会用我的坚持去弥补这些不足
我的做的事，会带给别人一个讯息
那就是，我是认真的
我会坚持的

工作也是一种学习

经历了疯狂工作的一周
一周出席了八个大大小小的会议
最晚下班的时间有了新纪录，十点
拿到了正式入职后的第一份薪水
一切过得确实是挺快的

我相信生活中总是需要不断学习
一开始思绪还是挺混乱的
慢慢就开始知道自己该做什么了
有的时候被赞扬，有的时候被投诉
我想这些都会是很好的经历

十点离开的那个晚上
其实走了之后也没有感觉很好
因为团队都还留着
只有我走了
感觉好像有点过意不去
我觉得一起加班会是一个疯狂的经历
我也知道在不久的将来肯定会发生

老板教会了我很多事
总是能很清晰的看透事情
客户对团队做的有不满的时候
我觉得换做是我早就发火了
因为努力了这么久，被说我们做得不够
我觉得有点过火了
我想老板肯定也不高兴
但要能够把情绪这些因素抛开
还是值得我去学习的

我想我是个没什么目标的人
这样的一个情况暂时不怎么能改变
对于职位看得非常淡的我
更想把精力放在团队的工作上
我觉得这个很少是非的工作团队
是我至今非常感激的其中一个部分

有些时候事情总会不如意
怎么去应对
怎么去冷静
我想我还是需要更多的磨练

Nostalgia

Went for a haircut today
As usual, the same salon that I always go to
I think since I am 12
I never really want to go to other places for haircut
Well, although the price increased from RM10 to RM18
Throughout 11 years..
Yet I still stick to the same salon

Once the hairdresser saw me, she greeted me "Boy!"
Well, not many people call me that way
Apart from my mum, one of my aunts, & there she is
Nostalgic
Suddenly it feels like I have went back to 11 years ago
When I first enter the salon..

I would not say this is the best weekend for me
Because I had been working from home on both days during weekend
Back to the days when I question myself
Is this what I really want?
I still do not really know what I want for now
Running low in energy even during weekend, probably still adapting into work life
Well, at least got a kabutops yesterday

I believe things happen just naturally
Nowadays spending most of my time on work
I actually hardly think about anything else
Never really have a thought on relationship anymore for now
Not really a good sign, yet this is the step that I intended
Being workaholic is definitely not attractive
& I guess is also proven for now

Suddenly miss a lot of things
& definitely one of it is to lie down on my bed till noon without worries
Haha!
The past is always good, but the future will be better
Hope so

生活的角度

工作的生活进入了第三个星期
其实从一开始就真的没想到会走到今天吧
每个星期过了之后其实都感到挺庆幸的

对于工作上的宗旨
一直以来坚定不变的还是学习
虽然是带着很多念书经验进去的一个人
但工作上其实很多事情都非常的不同
大大小小的事
有时候觉得挺压力的
但却又有些要去做去尝试的想法

角度
算是最近学到和思考最多的一个东西
很多事情其实可以从不同的角度出发吧
人类通常都挺固执的
不是每一种角度都能接受
但要真的慢慢的看透一些事
需要从很多的角度出发
去了解不同角度的想法

今天微博上都是丹哥的事
也不知道为什么
好像预了在我生命中
偶像就不一定要完美的这种心理准备
所以其实这件事虽然还是有些失望难过
但其实还是挺看得开
只是希望大家能够让这件事淡化吧
那就是我的角度

很多人都会说犯错是ok的
但其实你真正犯错的时候
这个ok就根本都不存在
因为要接受需要有很大的勇气
不是很随便就能放下的东西
把别人的错误放大其实对自己根本没什么好处
但很多人都喜欢把别人的错误放大
把自己的错误放小
那么有空炒作还不如好好审核自己比较重要吧
这是我的另一个角度

今天和朋友讨论了一个观点
是关于投诉这方面的东西
有的人不明白他们在投诉的是什么
有的人喜欢跟风似的投诉
有的人只会投诉
但如果你让他解决问题他也没办法
那就，麻烦多去思考吧
与其浪费时间在无谓的投诉
倒不如去多明白一些问题
而从解决的方向出发

角度
在我的生活中
一直都在转变
我相信是更好的转变
因为让我看到很多自己的不足
当然也看到很多愚昧
但这些都是生命中重要的积累

Small things that I don't like

Ok this post might be slightly negative, but I guess is good for me to place a note here maybe to serve as a reminder for myself.

Gradually figured out what I don't like/ might not be able to accept towards people around in general. I am probably a quite easy to get along type of people, which usually can accept most of the habits and characteristics of others. However, recently I had become slightly easier to become annoyed with little things. Although I still show respect most of the time, yet I think I have to make myself clear or at least try to avoid things that doesn't suit me.

1. Being late is.. not a very good thing, if there's no valid reason and extremely late for no reason is just too much for me to handle.

2. Note for drivers on the road who are very used to simply drive to another lane without giving any signal. I don't think the road is yours so please don't create danger for others.

3. I don't really like to dine in on extremely expensive/ fancy  restaurant with not very good food. Anyway this is just my style of living.

4. Not a fan of expensive car, nor a super big house. A few days ago there's someone that mentioned how his dreams changed at different stages of his life and he said, "There's always people that will have a more expensive car than yours, and have a bigger house than yours." I guess there are other things that are more valuable than these.

5. I know I don't earn as much as XXX, or whoever that I am not concerned about. I just want to get my normal pay and live my own life. So, even a person earn a lot more than me is fine, no need to ask me why.

6. Results are just things that people usually want to see. I didn't achieved what I want during these two years and of course these are some sort of failures in life. Nevertheless I think I had pushed myself enough and did what I could possible do. To be extremely honest I don't really like the judgement/ outcome, which I might feel a little unfair, yet I will accept it and just move on. The major lesson that I learnt is, work hard doesn't mean you will succeed. So sometimes we should probably look at people that failed after working hard and accept the fact that the theory of work hard will lead to success is not exactly true all the time... Congrats to people that achieved their aims, but please be considerate towards those that didn't.

Thanks for being tolerable and understanding if I showed some emotions when I face these situations.

Work and study are really two different things. Now everything starts from zero, is time to pick myself up again. Glad to have really helpful and considerate people who are willing to spend their time for guiding me or providing clear explanation. At least for now, every morning I will still look forward to go to work and learn from my team.

Learn on weekends? I don't know what's my take for this yet, we will figure out by compiling all the statistics during the first few weekends. Time to rest my mind.

What if?

7 billion people in this world
around 30 million people in my country
what are they usually doing from day to day?

Had been living without much water supply these few days
Thanks to factories that polluted the dam
Shower is always an ASAP thing nowadays
Washing dishes with minimal amount of water sent by the water truck
Stocking up big bottles of mineral water
That's how's my life recently

Took the not very efficient public transport yesterday morning
It is my first time taking it before 7am
Seeing people getting on from different stops
Feeling the crowd when it was about to reach the city centre
Looking at different kind of people doing different things
Some sleep, some reading, some swiping phone
Wonder how many different things can 30 million people do at the same time

Sometimes I think of what will happen if there's water shortage in other countries
Well, I think this is not a very uncommon thing here
So for me I am probably used to it and can bear with it for a few days at least
But what if this happens in a very well developed country?
What if this happens to those that take extremely long showers or use a lot of water?
Will they be able to survive with this situation?

Anyway these are just vague thoughts
Probably too free to think about all these unnecessary questions
Maybe I need to consult someone who can give me answers on these
Well, off to book reading soon
I guess I just need more knowledge on everything
Appreciating the days which I still can carry out my own plans

Preparation for my next stage of life

Transitions are always tough
Yet I will be facing it from next week onward
Time really flies
A few months ago I was still having my final interview in London
It was a very challenging but interesting interview
Wondering whether I can even pass the final interview
& then the offer comes
Relived, relieved and relieved

Rested for around two months
It is probably the first time in my life
To take such a long break
I know I can't do it any longer
Since I am starting to lose my grip on the normal life
Life had been relaxing, which I definitely need
Due to my forever overthinking habit

Now slowly getting back to reality
Had been gradually picking up things that I have forgotten
Reading a bit since I will probably be too lazy to read once I start work
& yea, still have 6 CFA textbooks waiting for me

Sort of make myself busy on purpose
Maybe keeping myself busy can make me not to think about other parts of my life that often
I don't know
These are just too complicated for me to sort out now
Anyway on the positive side
I will just go with the flow

For me, the past 23 years is just a very long winded dream
Certain parts of it I would like to remember forever
Although there are parts that I would love to forget
Yet these are the things that shaped who I am now
Live everyday with no regrets
That will be the aim

Apart from these
Time to figure out
The step after the next step
Ciao

恍如一场梦的十几天

其实一直都想要写新西兰的故事
但一直都是在一个不知道要写什么的状态
或许我对这里好像也开始有些保留了
我也不知道为什么

好怀念他们

过去的十几天感觉就像梦一样

那么快就过去了

其实在那的时候我就知道会有那么一天

会有很多的不舍

不过还是觉得经历过才会没有遗憾

“会不会有一天时间真的能倒退

退回你的我的回不去的幽幽的岁月”

距离

真的是一个蛮可怕的东西

因为距离

放弃了一些东西

可能自己还是没什么安全感吧

觉得很多事情

就感觉不太可能

就算再怎么喜欢

也只能这样吧

持续在一个很迷茫的状态

其实很多事要做

但暂时还是觉得需要先做一些规划吧

不然真的连自己要什么都不知道

这次的旅程教会我的肯定也不少

能够在那放下一切

专注的玩也是一件值得开心的事

放得开

感觉就像是一家人一样

也不用觉得拘谨不用装

再一个星期

就是人生另一个阶段的开始

紧张？期待吗？

确实挺期待的

因为我希望

这样的一个开始

会再次打造一个不一样的我

边学边走

今天刚好用 iPad 连上了wifi
所以就想写写

来这里其实算是我第一个主动要求的旅行
之前的其实比较不一样
因为都是用了自己存的钱
但这次就真的不够
所以其实更加珍惜

来到这里之后其实就没想要离开了
除了因为环境风景优美之外
其实这是我今年至今为止最心安的一个旅行
除了见到老友
也认识了两个可爱又合得来的朋友
认识新朋友总是开心的
除了人生中又有新的回忆之外
其实也会学习到很多很多

其实感觉近年来不喜欢我的人应该增加了不少哈哈
因为我一直浪，然后也有发图的习惯
变得让人感觉有点富二代吧
其实蛮感谢这些人
让我更懂得人与人之间的不真实
但这样的印象也是我最近比较想给的一个假象
真实目的其实还是希望与在乎我的人分享我的故事

我的故事不会因为我去了很多地方就增加了
而是因为在每一次的旅途中
我都会去从别人或自己身上学到一些
一些我在其他地方都学不到的东西
我希望我的生活中还会有更多的故事
更多能让我分享的事

Transition period

Had an insomnia last night...
That makes me thought of things that I put aside

It had been more than a year since the end
While I still yet to completely sign off from it
There are nights like yesterday
Where I will thought of why I gave up on it at the first place
Still yet to find a suitable replacement for my phone's password
Still yet to throughoutly feel the joy of you moving into a new life
I guess that's what guilt is all about

Aside from that, had chosen to take an exam in June next year
As usual creating hurdles for myself
Started reading a bit, but I'm definitely so off pace now
Wonder how to deal with it when work starts next month
Handling both sides are definitely tough for me
Maybe keeping myself busy will make me spend lesser time on unnecessary stuffs

Moving on to a new experience soon
Before preparing for work
I guess nowadays I care less about what other people think
However people judge doesn't matter much for me
Showing more imperfectness on surface does work I guess
Getting rid of unnecessary attention actually spare more time for myself
To spend more time with those that I care
What for dealing with all those judgements?
They are just unimportant at the end of the day

Not too sure about my future steps
But I'm quite sure what I feel like achieving for now

注定要放下

今天终于要和陪着我4年多的MacBook说掰掰了…
其实还是有点突然
因为去年修了
觉得应该不会那么快再出事
但也就这样了

其实回来之后发生的事还算不少
不顺心的事其实现在回头看还是挺多的
但就把这个当作一个适应期吧
毕竟生活的转换还是需要一定的适应

其实没有备份的东西不少
但我想这也就随缘吧
过去始终还是得放下的
这样的一个失去也未尝不是一件好事
就当做重新开始吧

自己还是比较需要一个像这样的私人空间
有些东西还是比较不适合让太多人知道

觉得是时候，开始重新认识一下自己
重新鉴定一下自己
想想自己想要的是什么
想要达到的东西太多
未来的未知数尤其在这个阶段也是特别多
看来每一天其实还是有挺多事要做的

面对伤病

两天前在重庆机场等飞回吉隆坡的飞机
作呕了两次，腹部到胸都感受到剧烈的疼痛
当时候其实有一丝的念头闪过
就是，我能不能坚持到回家为止？
是不是我的生命即将要结束了？

回来之后算是直接去了医院
现在还在渐渐康复的阶段
但其实这让我明白了很多很多的事
甚至应该说释怀了很多事

当时其实不怕从此离开
只是不想那么快离开
其实这样的心理准备已经做了很久
毕竟身体一直以来并没有很好
所以不会奢望什么长命百岁的

我曾经觉得为什么世界就是那么不公平
为什么努力不一定得到回报
但其实这些现在已经不重要了
因为当时我只想在我家人的身边
然后只想把这事告诉我最好的朋友们
这样就够了

不知从何时开始
我已经习惯把每一天当作人生的最后一天
每一天我都希望尽量不要留下遗憾
能够做到，那我就是幸福的

最近在看本书
里面有句是这样的
“今天很残酷，明天更残酷，后天会更美好，
但绝大多数人都死在明天晚上，却见不到后天的太阳，
所以我们干什么都要坚持”

我没什么奢望的
对未来当然还是自己在计划着
无论之后怎么样
能坚持住，那我就肯定会坚持下来的

感谢一直在我身边的你们

Summary for a month

Haven't been updating my blog for quite a while...

Well, had been a bit busy during the past 30 days. I will say it as busy adding life experiences.

Spent a week in Croatia alone. Despite the amazing scenery, traveling alone is always a challenge for me, yet I still want to put myself into such challenge at times.

Some photos for Croatia...

Sunset view in Zadar

That's what I hope for

I always believe the best option is to have a person at my side to share everything that happens day to day in my life. Although I have yet to find that person, that is still the thing that I really hope for.

A day in the amazing Plitvice National Park

Sunset while kayaking on the sea in Dubrovnik

Hihi

In Split

My slogan: Always wait for the sunset

Separation is always hard, yet still have to leave my beloved cousin in the UK 

Miss her home prepared breakfast

Brunch together

Crodoughs

2 of us

I really miss spending time with her yet I still have to be back eventually. She is such a cute girl btw haha! So I will hope to see her some time soon!

Went for a short trip with my family~

Mummy & younger sis

Never know this place exists till that day

It is actually really nice

Spending time with family is definitely important for me. Although I never really get much rest because of the trip, yet I still really enjoyed it. 

Moving on to China

Meeting the guys in Shanghai

& one of my best friend! ^^

Touring Shanghai at night

Walking by the riverside

Tons of locks

Rain & sickness won't stop me from hiking

Sunrise on top of Huangshan

Thanks for taking care of me during these 2 days!

The whole China trip had been a new experience for me. Got squeezed out of the tube is a new experience definitely. I won't suggest to travel here alone because tourists can probably got conned quite easily. Anyway, that's just my personal experience.

Nearly unable to make my way back due to sickness. Had been feeling so unwell & glad that I'm back again. Time to take a long break.

Learning from people around

A meaningful week, with loads of thinking yet again...

Learnt something from people around me, which proves that learning is not just from books..

Sent a friend off again today. My ex-roommate/ ex-housemate for my past 3 years in Durham. Time really flies and this is probably the last time i meet him before I fly back home. Well, he is going to remain here and this is the time where we split ways. I always treat him as my brother, because he is the first person from Durham that I know, and we really have some sort of mutual interest in certain things.

Anyway, one of the thing that I have learnt from him is to move on even though things don't go my way. I had been dealing with unhappiness for quite a bit for the past few years, yet I was always taking things too seriously and overthinking. Although these are actually not something bad, sometimes I should really move on as soon as possible. He is the guy that can deal/ react to problems much quicker than me, and for now I had been slowly developing into a person that can move on quicker as well. Maybe I take certain things more lightly for now, especially things about relationship, since I guess there's no point dealing with upsets if things don't go well.

Had been lacking in concentration for a very long time. Yet I managed to find the my concentrating power back yesterday. Helping my cousin to clean her place is certainly a good learning experience for me. Not learning how to clean, but learning how to concentrate. Washing up is probably one of things that can really make me concentrate well. I had been focusing on just washing up for around two hours without even realising about lunch time. I probably sort of need these kind of concentration trainings nowadays so I can focus more from now on.

Another thing learnt yesterday is about how to deal with things. I was a person that deal with things from the least difficult to the most difficult things. In order to do so, I usually put difficult stuffs aside and might end of not even bothering about them. But yesterday I tried to not avoid from difficulties and just solve everything in one go, and I realise is actually not as hard as I had expected. Maybe during certain times, I can solve problems without any order instead of struggling a lot in the end.

That's all I guess, back from no wifi life for 1.5 days, so have the time to update here also. Anyway, hope to cherish more about life here before returning home.

Relate things

Sort of had a debate with a good friend a few days ago, it is basically about relating stuffs together. For example, should work and relationship be correlated? Whatever problem that happens in a relationship should stay there, or should affect other part of a person's life as well?

Personally, I prefer to not related everything together. I have to agree a lot of things are somehow related to each other, but when solving problems I think all these correlations will just make things more complicated. I have certainly failed in relationship in the past, and I am thankful about still being able to go on with other parts of my life. Maybe I experience about these before, that's why I think a problem is more simple if there's no too much links.

I believe I am not really a person that can judge about other people's doing. Maybe if I do a good thing, I will get good fortune in the future, but I will choose not to think about it. I don't want to do a good act because I want to have a good future, I would prefer to do I just because I want to do it. Yes, future needs planning, but certain things which is not in my control/ I would prefer not to know now, then I'll just keep it unknown. Hence, whether a person that did a mistake/ bad thing will end up failing badly, I will let whoever that can decide to decide about it.

As usual, wish there's only one religion, one race, or everyone is just equal. I think these things really cause a lot of unnecessary problems. I was in a restaurant two days ago, siting beside some arrogant chinese students. Just because the waiter in the restaurant nag about them giving too many coins, a female student CLAIMED that the waiter is not china chinese, just some other chinese. So as usual, this claim applies to me as well. I was like, wtf what's that to brag about, not like my mandarin lose to you also.... @@. Discrimination is surely one of the worst thing that should be corrected. No matter how rich a person is, should not discriminate or look down on others =.=

Pokemon GO just launched in Malaysia 3 days ago, yay! Finally a lot of my friends back home can play. I certainly play as well, and that's the only thing that I look forward to everyday, since I need to constantly do my dissertation as well. Personally, don't think it is a bad thing, and I do get closer with friends that I'm initially not close with. A lot of haters complain about the game, saying that it cause danger, not healthy for people to play, bla bla bla.. I don't think not playing the game makes a person better than the others, is probably just a personal choice. Accident can definitely be avoided if players just be careful and not playing it while driving/ cycling etc. Not everything can only be learnt from textbooks in schools, these are just the mindset of people that keep restricting themselves in their own world. That's what I meant about some people being judgemental and hopes everyone in this world follow what they want. & also relating the game with accidents, bad influence, etc etc are just people's own imagination, and when bad things happen they will just exaggerate them.

Apologise for being critical in this post, but certainly to move forward/ improve, I think people should be more open-minded.

End of the day. Sayonara

你在想谁想到睡不着

“你在想谁想到睡不着 你应该觉得骄傲
很多人想失恋也没有目标 只是想睡个好觉 别炫耀”

“还有人能让你睡不着 还能为某人燃烧
我亲爱的这样浪漫的煎熬 不是想要就能要 别炫耀”

《你给我听好》陈奕迅，词：林夕 ，曲：林俊杰

著名填词人果然是名不虚传。适合睡不着的时候听的这首歌，感觉句句都很到位。有个人想总比没有好，因为有个人想的时候其实还是有一个目标，没人想的时候其实连自己想要什么也不知道。

这里的事忙完了以后，会踏上从新寻找自己的一个路程。因为再过不久就要进入生命中的另一个阶段了，不知道是应该期盼还是不期盼比较好。之后自己也终于能够开始慢慢成为经济独立的人了，应该怎么运用自己赚来的钱也是一门很大的学问吧！无论怎样，答应了别人的事就一定要做到。拿到第一份薪水了之后还是想请表妹吃一顿饭的哈哈！

自己能够给予别人什么呢？这也是一个挺困难的问题。感觉现在把自己剥开以后还是空荡荡的，所以要做出贡献我想以后还是得多付出一些努力。怎样提升自己，是否应该要拿CFA这些有的没的东西也是值得去思考的。可能自己起步也不比别人快，以后赚到的钱也不会是别人想象中的那样多，但想到以后还能够继续打造自己，磨练自己，也还是挺期待的。

夜晚睡不着的时候就想这一些吧！寂静的夜衬托的不一定是孤单，说不定也会提供一些思考的空间。而我在想谁想到睡不着呢，那我就不知道了哈哈！

知足常乐

“当我抬起头才发觉，我是不是忘了谁”

生命中很多人也只是过客，真正留在身边的其实很多时候也没看见。今天应该是连续20天去学校之后第一天没去。本来还想做点事，最后还是决定放自己一天的假。这样的一个停顿其实对我个人还是非常重要的。就躺着，想点最近发生的事，看看事情是否合理的处理过。很多时候还是不太知道自己想要的是什么。

钱，会是我开始工作的时候很需要的。需要钱去做我想做的事吧，毕竟现在做很多事的时候还是会以不舍得花钱为主。哈哈！其余的，也不知道需要什么。最近会比较喜欢照顾人，觉得能够做个饭给一个自己亲近的人吃，很放松的聊聊天也好。感觉其实生活这样好像就挺足够的了。就希望身边的人不离开，虽然事实告诉了我永远是不可能的事，但能够多久那就多久吧！

还在一个了解自己的阶段。很多事情还是需要很多时间去思考。希望在把论文写完了之后，能够用点时间去想规划一下未来的路，也希望能够找到自己想要的。现在已经开始有点迷茫了，有的时候就是为了做事而做事。其实之后想要达到什么我也不知道。

能够陪伴一个人是幸福。这事其实到最近才能够更加深刻的体会。因为以前追求的东西，其实得不到之后好像也没什么感觉。反而在每一次把身边的人送走的时候，心里都非常的难受。所以好像突然明白了自己其实最需要的还是自己在乎的人。

未来艰巨与否其实并无所谓，最重要是希望身边的人平安。知足常乐吧！

Happiest day of the year

Two days ago is marked as one of the happiest day this year. Day time is just normal, routinely went to school in the morning and stayed in the library till evening. Then here comes the dinner with my beloved cousin.

First time in Bao. I am always a fan of Taiwanese food, so this actually was quite a surprise for me. I will definitely say the food was great, & hopefully I'll return soon!

Here comes the food gallery:

Baosssssssssss

Finally, us! ^^

Anyway, back to the topic of happiest day, one of the reason is because she treated me the meal. Well, is probably a common thing, but it means a lot for me. I know how hard she works every week, how she saves her money, that's why I also don't want to waste her money xD! Meanwhile, it was her first time treating a person using the money she earned, that's why I is very meaningful for me. Thank you. 

I am always not the main character in a lot of things, there are lots of times where nobody cares much about me. Most of the days I return to my accommodation alone, taking the night bus, literally nobody cares whether I reach home, whether I rest well, etc etc. I'm really glad she is here with me, every time when either of us go back after meeting up we always make sure we are back. I'll also never forget the week which she stayed with me, when she first left I really missed the company.

We were never close until when she first came here last year. Now she is my cousin and a very good friend as well. This period of time also let me understand that I really enjoy taking good care of a person that I care about.

Life teaches me a lot of things, learning is definitely not from academic only. I am changing my focus of learning things since this year, because I felt like shaping myself from my life experience everyday. Happiness definitely outclass richness. The things that I feel like doing nowadays, is to appreciate life more, and make people happy.

Once again, thank you my dear cousin.

Life never gets easier

I thought this month is going to be easier. Since it will probably be the second last month here, I just always feel like enjoying life. However dissertation is again frustrating me.

Life has not been easy either. This month is probably the month of learning things apart from academics. Learning about dealing with emotions and understanding different individuals with distinct perspective is a thing that I always enjoy. I have not been dealing with female's emotion for quite a while, since I had been single for quite a while and also had not been free to give much advises. Unfortunately this month had been very eventful, in a negative way, and it provides me opportunities to understand friends around me again.

For me personally, right or wrong is not as important as before. The cruel truth in life is that we can't be the judge of other people's actions, we can only be our own judge. This might not sound right, but for me I can't give any punishment to those person that did something wrong in my opinion. I certainly don't have enough power to influence anyone, that is probably why I am always focusing on adapting into different situations recently, instead of demanding people around me to change according to what I prefer.

I believe challenges will never stop coming, although sometimes I might be really sick of challenges and hurdles already. A peaceful life is always what I want, but the world will never be completely peaceful, because if so then might be too boring? When there's good there's always bad.

Finally completed the mumbling of the day...

感谢仨人

有三个人，在我这一年的旅程当中，一直陪着我

第一个就是泡泡（在这里面都会用小名取代）。泡泡是他们三个之中第一个回国的。最近太多人回国了，送走送到我都快不行了。一开始我完全跟不上的时候，一直在教我的人就是这个朋友啦。我也不知道为什么，但感觉就是他也不会看不起我。虽然我一开始就落后得有点多，但他总觉得我会追上来的。感谢你十分相信我。每次有好吃的，你都会请我吃，或带着我一起去吃。虽然是说我陪你吃，但对我来说能够有人这么关照我真的很好了。然后现在我很熟的这一群朋友，其实都是因为你人缘好的关系所以我认识了你的好友们。所以我真的太感谢你了。今天送你走了，还是稍微有些舍不得。希望日后我们还能一块玩。

第二个就是薛博士。认识得比较晚，但是因为足球我们就真的是交心了。热刺和枪手球迷能够在一起看球也是非常的难得。一开始都只是聊足球和学业，但其实之后就真的是太珍惜这样的一个朋友了，所以把所有的事也都跟你说了。我们俩其实还算是比较省的，然而你知道其实我有些时候会不舍得花钱，所以就都特意请我吃。当然不是因为贪这样的便宜，而是我知道我们已经是惺惺相惜的好朋友了。我回国之后，你会留在这，我知道你一定会有些难受的，毕竟我们这一群好友都没陪着你读博士。但无论如何，对你的感激，也让我知道要好好珍惜剩下在这的一个多月。

这一段就用英文好了...
The third person that I really appreciate is my best Malay friend here! (you know who you are). In our course there's only three Malaysians, so I really treasure friend from the same country. At first never thought we will be that close, but after that we are really like brother & sister. I really enjoy being friend with you, we really have quite a bit to chat and thanks for always teaching me new stuffs in life, which I might not be able to learn from anyone else if I don't know you. I still remember the times when we always think things are hard, when we complain about how boring lectures are, when we discuss about traveling, discuss about life, etc etc. I guess that's what true friend is all about, being able to share things that are happening in our life naturally. Although this might not be the place that we enjoy the most (since we probably prefer our degree life more than this), I'm glad to know you. Thanks for always supporting me throughout my masters life. Terima kasih!

就这样，结束了这一段感谢，释放出了所有复杂的情绪

继续努力吧！

恨总比爱容易放下

“恨总比爱容易放下”  －《我还想她》林俊杰

这几天被问的问题还挺多的，有些其实还挺难回答的。人有可能因为太善良而受到伤害，那我们是应该都成为恶魔吗？这也是我一直想的问题。如果是前几年，我会觉得做恶魔比较好，反正要恨我的人就恨我吧，我又不是人民偶像。但之后还是觉得做好人或坏人其实在于自己。善良的人有时候会吃亏，如果要做善良的人就必须得接受这样的一个事实。我们没办法控制别人，但对于自己，是不应该因为别人而改变的。别人对我不好，不代表我要反击。互相针对其实也只是在浪费时间，也间接证明了自己的心智不成熟。

爱是个很奇妙的东西，对我来说就是容易陷进去难以放下的一个东西。我对于情感这一类的东西比很多人都稍微敏感一些，定义可能也不太一样。有人跟我说，爱你的人会在分开之后帮助你走出来。其实我也不是完全认同，见仁见智吧。10个月之前我把你放开的时候，我其实还是希望你日后幸福的。用了很长的时间，很多情绪让我一开始也没办法走出来。毕竟觉得对不起，毕竟就是爱着一个人，情绪上还是有些时候控制不住的。当然我自己也不急着要找到下一个，所以我选择了等你找到下一个的时候才真的走开。很多时候其实我应该做的决定都不是我想要的，但如果心里都是朝着要你开心幸福做决定，到最后就也没遗憾了。

走出来了，可以接受新的一个人了吗？我不知道，也很难说，所以暂时除非真的遇到，是不会进入一个新的旅程的。本身还要改进的太多，还在学习怎么去好好的爱一个人。慢慢的学习如何体谅和了解身边的人，毕竟每个人都不一样。

边写边播放着林俊杰的歌，就用另外一首作为结束吧！

“爱是 再远都在你身旁” －《不流泪的机场》林俊杰

明天会更好

需要一些新的想法新的心态的一天。看了林俊杰的《听.见林俊杰》，得到的还是挺多的。JJ是我一直以来都非常敬佩的一个歌手。虽然我从小的偶像是周杰伦，但林俊杰一直是我认为唱歌最好听的一位，而且他的态度我二话不说的会给满分。从《第二天堂》那张专辑就开始听JJ的歌，听着听着也有10几年了。JJ对音乐的态度，其实也就是我需要面对生活的一种态度。是的，一开始做事肯定是有热忱的，但热忱不会永远在那，有些时候还是会泄气会疲惫的。在这样的时候得找一些新的目标和要求，执著，坚持，才能走到最后。虽然我不是做音乐的，但还是非常感谢JJ的这个视频，激励了我要懂得珍惜每一天。

再来就是在喜欢上黄渤这个演员之后第一次看他的戏，《101次求婚》。其实可能这戏怎么说，见仁见智吧。我本身是喜欢的，但我知道可能很多人对爱情的电影的观点和我不一样，所以我也不会怎么去跟别人推荐。戏里的男主角和我现状差不多，没钱没房没车，长相也不出众，几乎什么也没有的一个平凡人。遇到自己喜欢的女生，觉得自己不会被看上。其实这一点，我觉得还是挺合理的。但女主角说得对，如果没努力没付出，那就永远也不可能得到。希望之后我可以鼓起勇气去追求自己喜欢的，那就行了。

最近对爱情这事并不是特别乐观，身边分手的还不少。通常还是挺让我觉得意外的，毕竟当身边的人找到另一半时总是希望他们能够一直在一起。当然，不适合的，与其拖拖拉拉还不如果断的结束吧。有人问我，这世界是不是没有爱情。爱情是不是之后都是变成了责任。其实我也不知道该怎么回答这个问题，因为我自己并还没经历那么多。但如果你问现在的我，我也只能告诉你，我还是选择再一次的相信爱情。

有些时候我们会跌到低谷，我觉得那其实还是挺正常的一个阶段。没有起起落落的人生，我觉得可能还会有些遗憾。我本人其实对于未来的未知数，时常都希望能够尽量避免的。但其实未知数到最后，也都能够这样走过去的。这样起起落落了多年之后，其实已经不会说非常害怕未来，而是希望自己能够脚踏实地的走向未来。无论前方的路是前往高峰还是低谷，只要用心走过，我想我自己也不会有任何的遗憾了。

明天会更好

Unforgettable walk

Decided to join my friends for a walk at Cleveland way for a few days. It had been a year since I walked on that trail, & now I'm back again. However, this trip is definitely more challenging than the one I did a year ago.

Well the first day was just train to Saltburn and then hanging around at the beach. Watched Italy vs Spain & England vs Iceland after that. End the day with unexpected results.

Saltburn-by-the-Sea, a place full of memories

Started the challenge on the second day. Started around 930am. The weather was good in the morning.

It became cloudy in the afternoon

& then, walked in heavy rain for a few hours

By the time we reached Whitby, I was super exhausted and soaked in rainwater

Completed 37.5km trail walk at around 6pm. In the end was already incapable of ascending stairs properly. Definitely injured my right ankle and right knee.

Started walking again on the third day. Among 4 of us, only one of my friend & I was feeling uncomfortable. So basically two of us were dragging our injured legs.

Started with 199 steps to the abbey

Let's go!!

Unfortunately, it rained heavily again

Funny friend that used bin bag as raincoat..

Completed 20km walk today. The distance covered was definitely lesser than the first day, but we still completed around 6pm. Put up a night at Ravenscar before continuing our journey on the fourth day.

Fourth day, two person left early to catch a train at Whitby. Those two hardcore friend walked & ran for like 4 hours from Ravenscar to Whitby from 4am. So only left the injured two guys walking from Ravenscar on the fourth day. 

End of our trip

Walked 10km today before taking a bus from Slough to Scarborough. A total of 69km in three days is really a new challenge for me, since I only walked around 35km last year. Will never forget how hard it is to continue when I had to force myself to move forward. The aim for this trip turned out to be the same as the one last year, that is to train my determination when situation is difficult. It is a trip worth remembering, with three person that I truly appreciate.

Sometimes things cannot always remain the same. These two weeks a lot of people will leave here and go back home. Maybe we will not meet each other again, yet there are always memories to be treasured. 

Movies night

Watched two meaningful movies tonight...

Head off with The Martian. Actually was not planning to watch it at all, but my cousin seemed to be very interested so I was like "why not?". End up I understand why it is a good movie. I had not really watch much movies about space/ physics, but when I watch these movies, it sort of reminds me of the past three years dealing with Physics. I totally understand why I am not suitable to be an astronaut, I'm being so emotional and definitely cannot deal with do or die decision all the time. Besides the pride of going to space, being an astronaut is definitely a tough job.

Move on to the second movie after my cousin went back, somehow I felt like it is really worth it to stay up & watch it. Never regret it, impressed again by Real Steel. Although being a big fan of Hugh Jackman (Wolverine is the best) leads me to this movie, but it really touched deep into my heart. I have lost quite a bit of passion in life, but after this somehow I know I can be passionate about things, and also give it all for those that I love. Side note: I also feel like getting a boy next time, so cute! ^^

Had been very good friend with my cousin. Although technically I know her since young, we did not really interact much until she came here last year. She is more mature than I thought, maybe because she is the eldest in her family. As mentioned before, cooked for her for quite a bit, including today, but somehow I really enjoy taking care of her, & certainly the company from a person that really being very understanding and share similar interests. Yea, I took away some of my time to study for her, but I never regret it even for a second. Life can be treated differently, results & achievements are not everything, & I certainly understand what I want by now.

Well, no more classes, but for the remaining time in this country, hoping for a better me. Off to sleep! 

淡定的走

大学生涯的最后一场考试，就这样结束了。昨晚只睡了4个小时的我，其实脑子里还是有许多的不舍吧。毕竟这10个月走过来真的是挺不容易的。经历的事情比我想象中的还要多，也感觉现在的我无论样子还是心态上也有了一些改变。

今早英国退欧了。算是我意料之外的一件事吧。股市就确实是崩盘了，首相也辞职了，但基本上来说也没什么好再说的吧。今天考试也不怎么顺心，但我觉得有些时候生活就是这样，有很多事情是需要去适应的。如果事情都在被控制的范围，那人生估计也没什么挑战了。说回退欧的事，虽然现在动荡还是有的，但既然结果是这样那就只能做一些适应和改变，也希望英国能够尽快的重新整合吧。

考完试了之后，虽然没很顺心，但情绪上还是挺激动的。就像爆发了一样，想彻底的放纵。

第三次吃烤鱼，确实不错的

保龄球，已经估计超过5年没打了。今天终于有机会重拾这项运动。打了两局，第一局我可是真差，也不是没有状态，但就不怎么会打哈哈！

友谊第一

跟他们在一块，其实是我这学期最珍惜的事。虽然很多个周末都是在学校一起度过的，之后我去学校也变成是去跟他们吃饭了哈哈。学到最后这个阶段，其实成绩对我已经不再重要，因为我觉得跟他们一起学习已经值得了。

今天的伦敦，还是一样

无论身边的情况是好是坏，生活还是要过，路还是要走的。走入学习生涯的最后两个月，最后这一段学习生涯一定要好好过，不要留下任何遗憾。