知足常乐

“当我抬起头才发觉，我是不是忘了谁”

生命中很多人也只是过客，真正留在身边的其实很多时候也没看见。今天应该是连续20天去学校之后第一天没去。本来还想做点事，最后还是决定放自己一天的假。这样的一个停顿其实对我个人还是非常重要的。就躺着，想点最近发生的事，看看事情是否合理的处理过。很多时候还是不太知道自己想要的是什么。

钱，会是我开始工作的时候很需要的。需要钱去做我想做的事吧，毕竟现在做很多事的时候还是会以不舍得花钱为主。哈哈！其余的，也不知道需要什么。最近会比较喜欢照顾人，觉得能够做个饭给一个自己亲近的人吃，很放松的聊聊天也好。感觉其实生活这样好像就挺足够的了。就希望身边的人不离开，虽然事实告诉了我永远是不可能的事，但能够多久那就多久吧！

还在一个了解自己的阶段。很多事情还是需要很多时间去思考。希望在把论文写完了之后，能够用点时间去想规划一下未来的路，也希望能够找到自己想要的。现在已经开始有点迷茫了，有的时候就是为了做事而做事。其实之后想要达到什么我也不知道。

能够陪伴一个人是幸福。这事其实到最近才能够更加深刻的体会。因为以前追求的东西，其实得不到之后好像也没什么感觉。反而在每一次把身边的人送走的时候，心里都非常的难受。所以好像突然明白了自己其实最需要的还是自己在乎的人。

未来艰巨与否其实并无所谓，最重要是希望身边的人平安。知足常乐吧！

Happiest day of the year

Two days ago is marked as one of the happiest day this year. Day time is just normal, routinely went to school in the morning and stayed in the library till evening. Then here comes the dinner with my beloved cousin.

First time in Bao. I am always a fan of Taiwanese food, so this actually was quite a surprise for me. I will definitely say the food was great, & hopefully I'll return soon!

Here comes the food gallery:

Baosssssssssss

Finally, us! ^^

Anyway, back to the topic of happiest day, one of the reason is because she treated me the meal. Well, is probably a common thing, but it means a lot for me. I know how hard she works every week, how she saves her money, that's why I also don't want to waste her money xD! Meanwhile, it was her first time treating a person using the money she earned, that's why I is very meaningful for me. Thank you. 

I am always not the main character in a lot of things, there are lots of times where nobody cares much about me. Most of the days I return to my accommodation alone, taking the night bus, literally nobody cares whether I reach home, whether I rest well, etc etc. I'm really glad she is here with me, every time when either of us go back after meeting up we always make sure we are back. I'll also never forget the week which she stayed with me, when she first left I really missed the company.

We were never close until when she first came here last year. Now she is my cousin and a very good friend as well. This period of time also let me understand that I really enjoy taking good care of a person that I care about.

Life teaches me a lot of things, learning is definitely not from academic only. I am changing my focus of learning things since this year, because I felt like shaping myself from my life experience everyday. Happiness definitely outclass richness. The things that I feel like doing nowadays, is to appreciate life more, and make people happy.

Once again, thank you my dear cousin.

Life never gets easier

I thought this month is going to be easier. Since it will probably be the second last month here, I just always feel like enjoying life. However dissertation is again frustrating me.

Life has not been easy either. This month is probably the month of learning things apart from academics. Learning about dealing with emotions and understanding different individuals with distinct perspective is a thing that I always enjoy. I have not been dealing with female's emotion for quite a while, since I had been single for quite a while and also had not been free to give much advises. Unfortunately this month had been very eventful, in a negative way, and it provides me opportunities to understand friends around me again.

For me personally, right or wrong is not as important as before. The cruel truth in life is that we can't be the judge of other people's actions, we can only be our own judge. This might not sound right, but for me I can't give any punishment to those person that did something wrong in my opinion. I certainly don't have enough power to influence anyone, that is probably why I am always focusing on adapting into different situations recently, instead of demanding people around me to change according to what I prefer.

I believe challenges will never stop coming, although sometimes I might be really sick of challenges and hurdles already. A peaceful life is always what I want, but the world will never be completely peaceful, because if so then might be too boring? When there's good there's always bad.

Finally completed the mumbling of the day...

感谢仨人

有三个人，在我这一年的旅程当中，一直陪着我

第一个就是泡泡（在这里面都会用小名取代）。泡泡是他们三个之中第一个回国的。最近太多人回国了，送走送到我都快不行了。一开始我完全跟不上的时候，一直在教我的人就是这个朋友啦。我也不知道为什么，但感觉就是他也不会看不起我。虽然我一开始就落后得有点多，但他总觉得我会追上来的。感谢你十分相信我。每次有好吃的，你都会请我吃，或带着我一起去吃。虽然是说我陪你吃，但对我来说能够有人这么关照我真的很好了。然后现在我很熟的这一群朋友，其实都是因为你人缘好的关系所以我认识了你的好友们。所以我真的太感谢你了。今天送你走了，还是稍微有些舍不得。希望日后我们还能一块玩。

第二个就是薛博士。认识得比较晚，但是因为足球我们就真的是交心了。热刺和枪手球迷能够在一起看球也是非常的难得。一开始都只是聊足球和学业，但其实之后就真的是太珍惜这样的一个朋友了，所以把所有的事也都跟你说了。我们俩其实还算是比较省的，然而你知道其实我有些时候会不舍得花钱，所以就都特意请我吃。当然不是因为贪这样的便宜，而是我知道我们已经是惺惺相惜的好朋友了。我回国之后，你会留在这，我知道你一定会有些难受的，毕竟我们这一群好友都没陪着你读博士。但无论如何，对你的感激，也让我知道要好好珍惜剩下在这的一个多月。

这一段就用英文好了...
The third person that I really appreciate is my best Malay friend here! (you know who you are). In our course there's only three Malaysians, so I really treasure friend from the same country. At first never thought we will be that close, but after that we are really like brother & sister. I really enjoy being friend with you, we really have quite a bit to chat and thanks for always teaching me new stuffs in life, which I might not be able to learn from anyone else if I don't know you. I still remember the times when we always think things are hard, when we complain about how boring lectures are, when we discuss about traveling, discuss about life, etc etc. I guess that's what true friend is all about, being able to share things that are happening in our life naturally. Although this might not be the place that we enjoy the most (since we probably prefer our degree life more than this), I'm glad to know you. Thanks for always supporting me throughout my masters life. Terima kasih!

就这样，结束了这一段感谢，释放出了所有复杂的情绪

继续努力吧！

恨总比爱容易放下

“恨总比爱容易放下”  －《我还想她》林俊杰

这几天被问的问题还挺多的，有些其实还挺难回答的。人有可能因为太善良而受到伤害，那我们是应该都成为恶魔吗？这也是我一直想的问题。如果是前几年，我会觉得做恶魔比较好，反正要恨我的人就恨我吧，我又不是人民偶像。但之后还是觉得做好人或坏人其实在于自己。善良的人有时候会吃亏，如果要做善良的人就必须得接受这样的一个事实。我们没办法控制别人，但对于自己，是不应该因为别人而改变的。别人对我不好，不代表我要反击。互相针对其实也只是在浪费时间，也间接证明了自己的心智不成熟。

爱是个很奇妙的东西，对我来说就是容易陷进去难以放下的一个东西。我对于情感这一类的东西比很多人都稍微敏感一些，定义可能也不太一样。有人跟我说，爱你的人会在分开之后帮助你走出来。其实我也不是完全认同，见仁见智吧。10个月之前我把你放开的时候，我其实还是希望你日后幸福的。用了很长的时间，很多情绪让我一开始也没办法走出来。毕竟觉得对不起，毕竟就是爱着一个人，情绪上还是有些时候控制不住的。当然我自己也不急着要找到下一个，所以我选择了等你找到下一个的时候才真的走开。很多时候其实我应该做的决定都不是我想要的，但如果心里都是朝着要你开心幸福做决定，到最后就也没遗憾了。

走出来了，可以接受新的一个人了吗？我不知道，也很难说，所以暂时除非真的遇到，是不会进入一个新的旅程的。本身还要改进的太多，还在学习怎么去好好的爱一个人。慢慢的学习如何体谅和了解身边的人，毕竟每个人都不一样。

边写边播放着林俊杰的歌，就用另外一首作为结束吧！

“爱是 再远都在你身旁” －《不流泪的机场》林俊杰

明天会更好

需要一些新的想法新的心态的一天。看了林俊杰的《听.见林俊杰》，得到的还是挺多的。JJ是我一直以来都非常敬佩的一个歌手。虽然我从小的偶像是周杰伦，但林俊杰一直是我认为唱歌最好听的一位，而且他的态度我二话不说的会给满分。从《第二天堂》那张专辑就开始听JJ的歌，听着听着也有10几年了。JJ对音乐的态度，其实也就是我需要面对生活的一种态度。是的，一开始做事肯定是有热忱的，但热忱不会永远在那，有些时候还是会泄气会疲惫的。在这样的时候得找一些新的目标和要求，执著，坚持，才能走到最后。虽然我不是做音乐的，但还是非常感谢JJ的这个视频，激励了我要懂得珍惜每一天。

再来就是在喜欢上黄渤这个演员之后第一次看他的戏，《101次求婚》。其实可能这戏怎么说，见仁见智吧。我本身是喜欢的，但我知道可能很多人对爱情的电影的观点和我不一样，所以我也不会怎么去跟别人推荐。戏里的男主角和我现状差不多，没钱没房没车，长相也不出众，几乎什么也没有的一个平凡人。遇到自己喜欢的女生，觉得自己不会被看上。其实这一点，我觉得还是挺合理的。但女主角说得对，如果没努力没付出，那就永远也不可能得到。希望之后我可以鼓起勇气去追求自己喜欢的，那就行了。

最近对爱情这事并不是特别乐观，身边分手的还不少。通常还是挺让我觉得意外的，毕竟当身边的人找到另一半时总是希望他们能够一直在一起。当然，不适合的，与其拖拖拉拉还不如果断的结束吧。有人问我，这世界是不是没有爱情。爱情是不是之后都是变成了责任。其实我也不知道该怎么回答这个问题，因为我自己并还没经历那么多。但如果你问现在的我，我也只能告诉你，我还是选择再一次的相信爱情。

有些时候我们会跌到低谷，我觉得那其实还是挺正常的一个阶段。没有起起落落的人生，我觉得可能还会有些遗憾。我本人其实对于未来的未知数，时常都希望能够尽量避免的。但其实未知数到最后，也都能够这样走过去的。这样起起落落了多年之后，其实已经不会说非常害怕未来，而是希望自己能够脚踏实地的走向未来。无论前方的路是前往高峰还是低谷，只要用心走过，我想我自己也不会有任何的遗憾了。

明天会更好

Unforgettable walk

Decided to join my friends for a walk at Cleveland way for a few days. It had been a year since I walked on that trail, & now I'm back again. However, this trip is definitely more challenging than the one I did a year ago.

Well the first day was just train to Saltburn and then hanging around at the beach. Watched Italy vs Spain & England vs Iceland after that. End the day with unexpected results.

Saltburn-by-the-Sea, a place full of memories

Started the challenge on the second day. Started around 930am. The weather was good in the morning.

It became cloudy in the afternoon

& then, walked in heavy rain for a few hours

By the time we reached Whitby, I was super exhausted and soaked in rainwater

Completed 37.5km trail walk at around 6pm. In the end was already incapable of ascending stairs properly. Definitely injured my right ankle and right knee.

Started walking again on the third day. Among 4 of us, only one of my friend & I was feeling uncomfortable. So basically two of us were dragging our injured legs.

Started with 199 steps to the abbey

Let's go!!

Unfortunately, it rained heavily again

Funny friend that used bin bag as raincoat..

Completed 20km walk today. The distance covered was definitely lesser than the first day, but we still completed around 6pm. Put up a night at Ravenscar before continuing our journey on the fourth day.

Fourth day, two person left early to catch a train at Whitby. Those two hardcore friend walked & ran for like 4 hours from Ravenscar to Whitby from 4am. So only left the injured two guys walking from Ravenscar on the fourth day. 

End of our trip

Walked 10km today before taking a bus from Slough to Scarborough. A total of 69km in three days is really a new challenge for me, since I only walked around 35km last year. Will never forget how hard it is to continue when I had to force myself to move forward. The aim for this trip turned out to be the same as the one last year, that is to train my determination when situation is difficult. It is a trip worth remembering, with three person that I truly appreciate.

Sometimes things cannot always remain the same. These two weeks a lot of people will leave here and go back home. Maybe we will not meet each other again, yet there are always memories to be treasured.