迷茫

你问我为什么顽固而专一
天下太大总有人比你更合适
其实我觉得这样不值可没选择方式
你一出场别人都显得不过如此

已经很久没这样的感觉
正处于一个有点混乱的状态
心里没有一个答案，做不了决定
但却开始更加在乎

蛮多年了，在某个阶段也是时候往前了
没有了之前的狂妄，却多了现在的忐忑
考虑的事情也越来越多
其实有很多时候不知道该跟谁说
或者只是很反复的述说着混乱的心思

老实说很想知道更多的答案
但因为考试之类的种种原因
我想还是暂时缓一缓吧

Accelerating towards last few miles of 2018

Looking back at the post almost a year ago...

Only fully completed 30% of what I want to achieve for the year. 2 more months to go with 70% to be completed.

It had been an eventful year so far. Ups and downs seem to be more intense as compared to a year before. However, would always try not to keep my head down and move forward.

As time goes by responsibility getting greater at work. Expectation seems to be building up gradually and it will never stop. Sometimes I will picture myself needing some form of adrenaline boost similar to "The Wolf of Wall Street", where focus is highly demanded and just need to get the implementation done to end the day.

Have been thinking of moving, but thoughts slowed down a bit recently as I still want to tap on from things that I am currently doing. Glad that my lens has gotten wider and had been more aware of what is beyond my current circle. Learning never stops.

Divert a bit to work - aka infrastructure related topic, would like to have a chance visiting the 55km HK-Zhuhai-Macau bridge that is recently completed. Although there's comments on applicability and usefulness of the bridge, it has been an impressive piece. Had been watching videos talking about it before it is completed and glad that it is finally done. Always feel that field trip will make understanding better, still believe so.

Nevertheless, working hard towards end of 2018. Hope for a great end!

Look forward to 2018

Ended 2017 with a break that I have been wanted for quite a while, finally a few weeks without thinking about work, or working. Still not very used to it at first, but after all seem to be alright.

2017 did not go too well, quite a number of people that I know left this world, got into a car accident, got drunk for once, got sick which forced me to stay home for a week etc. Anyway these has past and no point talking about it for now. Just hope all the bad things won't repeat in 2018.

As usual there are things that I would want to achieve this year:

1. Pass CFA Level 2 exam

2. Improve and deliver the quality of work that I expect

3. Get a positive return in my portfolio

4. Read more books

5. Walk 500 eggs in Pokemon (on a less serious note)

6. (Maybe) get into a relationship

7. Pick up another language

8. Being more financially independent/ capable

9. Being less stressful?

10. Participate in a half marathon

Anyway these are the plans, direction for me to work towards, but not an obligation.

Hope 2018 is better, but also foresee more challenges ahead.

Never lose hope, stupid but strong.

Not gonna go down

Somehow this week doesn't end on a high, but is ok. Lesson learnt, maybe it is always supposed to be this way. The thing is, these things did bother me, but they will only make me wanna take them down in the future. I'm not a judge, hence I don't judge people. I believe I had did enough to position myself to where I am currently, but that's not the end of it.

I used to always keep my trump cards to ensure that I have enough to defend myself whenever I need it. But now, I will flash them whenever I can, and there's no turning back. Time to step up, because, is time to remove all the prejudice on me.

尝试，是唯一的出路

短短的几个星期又发生了很多事，最难忘的也就是上星期的车祸，开了那么多年的车终于还是碰到了。对于开车的方式我一直都特别坚持，但有许多原因造就了这一次的失误，或者可以说根本没来得及反应吧，还好一切都顺利的过去了。生活又重新开始。

尝试让自己更积极一些，希望每一天都能够学到一些新的知识。毕竟最近这段日子比较不忙，所以确实是有些松懈了。也为了之后的工作做准备吧，如果需要用上中文希望自己还是可以保持着一定的水平，毕竟工作上的事不能马虎。

忙碌之余，另一个需要管理的就是自己的钱财。我想其实这也是一门学问吧，平时尽量多存点也是希望自己能够应对之后的需求。暂时还没有任何思路的我，希望能够找到属于自己的管理风格。

希望工作上有新的工程。工作了差不多一年了，觉得自己还有很大的进步空间。位于低处时希望能够更好的完善自己，在高一点的位置时才更有底气。

我想困扰并不是一件坏事

Searching for new beliefs

Urge of writing...

Nothing religious here, but I do believe in myself mostly. Always trying to search for new perspective in life, figuring out how to be better. Maybe a bit arrogant, but I believe what I picked is what I want. I strongly believe what I want doesn't depend on what others want, there's zero correlation in that, hence now I don't give a fuck on what others think I should be doing.

Fairness is something that I don't give much attention on too. Being subjective, will say that people all view fairness differently, hence there's no fairness say in the end. Just some opinions, & if we don't agree, probably have to live with it. Hardly being jealous of others anymore due to my view on fairness.

Life can be simple. Life is complicated because certain people always over complicating things. Dramas created are basically wasting people's time, & end up not beneficial to anyone at all. But I do know that some people likes complicated life, can just go ahead as long as it doesn't affect me.

I don't think everyone should develop to be the same type of people. Life will be boring if that's the case. We were taught to follow what him or her did, but eventually we are all different and can only make reference of people's success instead of following blindly. Uniqueness is provided for a reason. Hence, I won't be the same kind as people expected I should be, & I believe different point of view always forms improvement.

Searching for new thoughts to develop myself more...

But the thoughts on top do hold for now. Independently...

重新启动

总是需要有一个调整的阶段

我觉得选择现在做这样的思考算是对的时间

为什么呢？

最近发生了太多的事，开始觉得身上带着太多的东西

考试过了，心里是微笑的

虽然确实没怎么在意几时会知道成绩

但知道之后其实心里还是松了一口气的

要不要继续考，其实纠结了蛮久

身边有很多人鼓励了我，是让我选择继续的原因

不是因为我身上会带着多一份证书

而是又有新的挑战，既然输得起，那就试试吧

工作那么久以来，还算是可以的

继续朝着自己的梦想前进

那梦想是什么呢？

永远要给予一个态度，那就是坚持

想把思维植入在自己所做的事情上面

那就是我，习惯于把其他人的精神搬过来自己用

很多短片，我看了无数次

歌手的经历，运动员的精神

都是塑造今天的我的关键

当然经历过那么多起伏之后

接下来最重要的就是放下

放下所有的光环，放下所有真真假假的赞许

放下心里因为经历多了点而少许骄傲的我

重新站在自己适合的位置，重新出发

有时候慢不一定是坏事

因为放慢的时候能够看到很多错过的事

有时候觉得，唉，怎么机会就这样被拿走了

那其实这就是命吧，总会把我拉回现实

而不是活在虚幻的梦当中

我会用我的方式

去做我这之后应该做的事

从来不认为自己应该成为红人

其实因为像我这些不红的人

才能让他人变成红人

才会让人看得出差别，对吗？

至少我现在还能够进入潜水模式

在海底隧道找寻不一样的经历